defeated
by thesheeplover
Summary: s/v -it's time sydney asked for help - my first fanfic! r/r!!! [In a bizzare world where SD-6 is gone, but syd and vaughn haven't gotten together] *chapter 5 is up*
1. Defeated

Defeated  
Vaughn had waited over an hour at the warehouse. He knew that something was wrong - Sydney was never late without calling to let him know that she was on her way, stuck in a traffic jam, at a meeting, or at home helping out Will or Francie. He knew, as soon as she picked up the phone, and was greeted with a ghostly whisper, that something wasn't right.  
  
Vaughn had paced the small, caged-in area enough times to wear down his shoes - his anxiety and worry finally getting the better of him. He was so caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't even notice the clicking of her heels as she entered the warehouse.  
  
It wasn't until she collapsed onto the crate in front of him, that he finally looked up and saw before him not the Sydney he knew, but a broken, limp and lifeless body.  
  
He didn't waste a second, and moments later, Sydney was wrapped in a warm embrace. She didn't respond or react - her eyes focused on nothing in particular, and when Vaughn finally let her go, he got his first good look at her.  
  
'God Syd..', Vaughn gasped. 'I mean. how.. why.. . what happened?', he finally managed to stammer.  
  
His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes scanned over her bruised, scarred, and bleeding body. 'What did they do to you Syd?', he asked - anger, hurt and worry evident in his breaking voice. Still no reply. The only response he got was a blank stare. He clasped his hands over hers and looked intently into her eyes. He asked again, this time more gently, 'Syd. Syd, please tell me what happened?'  
  
Sydney looked away, avoiding his gaze. It seemed like she was fighting an internal battle - One side of her desperately wanted to let loose all her feelings and emotions - another side forced her to bottle it up, keeping it hidden from everyone.  
  
~ Flashback ~  
  
'NO!', she screamed, 'NO! Please!. please. no! . I won't let you.. no.' She had yelled for what seemed like hours, and finally she broke. What were once screams of desperation, were now reduced to nothing more than whimpers and sobs of self pity and hopelessness.  
  
~ End Flashback ~  
  
During those times, Sydney had never felt more ashamed of herself - She had yielded, allowed them to her hurt her, break her, degrade her. She wanted to beat herself up for that, but she was hurting all over too much already - inside and outside.  
  
'Syd. you know you can tell me anything. anything at all', Vaughn said tentatively, encouraging her to speak. After a moment's silence, Sydney turned back to meet Vaughn's eyes. 'I know,' she said in a barely audible whisper, 'I know.'  
  
Sydney did know that she could tell Vaughn everything; she knew that Vaughn would understand - he always did. But she also knew that if she told Vaughn, the image of her being the strong, steady woman who pulled through anything and was always on top of the world, would vanish - and that was something she wasn't willing to give up. Her dignity, pride and reputation would be gone, and instead the world would look upon her as a shamed woman.  
  
Sydney hadn't noticed, but tears fell silently down her cheek. Vaughn had pulled her into a tight embrace, and she realised that she didn't have to go through this alone.  
  
Nobody said a word, but at that time, words weren't needed.  
TBC  
  
A/N : umm.. maybe I guess.. tell me what you think.. I'm really nervous about this.. 


	2. Conclusions

Conclusions  
  
A/N: Please tell me whether I should continue - I seriously don't know where I'm going with this, and I have no idea how my grammar etc is going. ! also, can anybody tell me how I can do italics, bold and underlining?  
  
aaa: thank you for your review! My first review EVER! ( you're so sweet! thanx!  
  
charmedgal005: yuppidyo! I think it's going to be a bit dark .. but it will definitely end up as a s/v thing.  
  
emma453: thanx! every review I get makes me so happy!!!!  
  
leondra: ooooooh but I am nervous! this is the first thing I've ever written!  
  
mommynozebestmyarse: no they're not together yet.. I live in australia, so second season hasn't even aired here yet. (  
  
alexis: I agree too! thanx for the suggestions and encouragement!  
  
kittyfantastico: thanx for your support! I'll try and write a bit longer next time  
  
***********************************  
  
~ Sydney hadn't noticed, but tears fell silently down her cheek. Vaughn had pulled her into a tight embrace, and she realised that she didn't have to go through this alone.  
  
Nobody said a word, but at that time, words weren't needed. ~  
  
***********************************  
  
Vaughn had given her what she needed most at that moment. The strength to go on, and respect - something which she never thought she would have again, especially from him.  
  
It was something, she felt, that was undeserved - how could he still respect her? She had let them brutalize her; she had given up; she should have tried harder.  
  
As she choked back tears, she knew that the façade she was putting on was finally breaking down, and this scared her. She had never felt so out of control. This was the first time she had been so broken, yet she was still reluctant to let go of the little power she held over situations. Yes, she was willing to lift the disguise now, but she still wasn't ready to talk about it or relive the experiences of her last mission.  
  
Vaughn knew that helping her overcome all this would take time. He was immensely grateful for the fact that she had come to him first. He knew just how much courage and trust it took her, to allow him to see her in that state and with this in mind, he wasn't about to let her down.  
  
Inside, he was hurting just as much as she was. He felt the pain that she felt, but he would have endured a million times that - if only Sydney wouldn't have to suffer. This time, it was Vaughn putting on the façade. He had to be strong, for Sydney's sake.  
  
'I'll be there Syd, I promise..,' he began, 'and I just want to let you know that you never have to pretend to be something you aren't when you're with me.. never ever.' He waited nervously for her response, not sure of her reactions.  
  
But the flood gates finally broke, and once Sydney began to release all the bottled up emotions, there was no stopping her. So he sat there patiently, always holding her hand, stroking her hair or putting his arms around her. But no matter what he did, he hoped one message got through - he was there, and would always be there to comfort, guide and strengthen her whatever the circumstance.  
  
'Syd....' , he asked softly, breaking the silence, 'Syd, do you want to go home?'. His voice was full of compassion, care and understanding.  
  
It was a while before Sydney answered. Tears were still silently running down her cheek; her body shaking with each sob. She said nothing; instead, she gave the slightest nod - a nod which only Vaughn would have noticed.  
  
So he gently helped her up, wrapped his jacket around her and carried her to his car. It wasn't a short walk though, and somewhere in between, Sydney had fallen asleep, enveloped in the heat of Vaughn's body.  
  
A million thoughts and emotions ran through his mind. When he began to think about the extent of Sydney's injuries, emotional and physical, he wanted to kill the people who had done this to Sydney.  
  
He knew that no matter how angry he would feel every time he addressed Sydney's wounds, he had to be strong. He had to be her support, her rock - the person she had learnt to trust.  
  
TBC A/N: ug... ug ug ug ug ug... I'm so sorry! that was... ug!!! *bad sheeplover* 


	3. An awakening

Deafeated 3  
  
A/N: THANKYOU! thankyou thankyou thankyou everybody for reviewing! it really makes my day, and believe me when I say I treasure every single one of your comments, suggestions, and words of encouragement. thankyou! : )  
  
******************* A million thoughts and emotions ran through his mind. When he began to think about the extent of Sydney's injuries, emotional and physical, he wanted to kill the people who had done this to Sydney.  
  
He knew that no matter how angry he would feel every time he addressed Sydney's wounds, he had to be strong. He had to be her support, her rock - the person she had learnt to trust.  
  
*******************  
  
When they arrived outside his apartment, Vaughn got out to help Sydney out of the car. As he leant over to undo her seatbelt, he couldn't help but notice the incredible number of bruises near her chest. He shook his head in disbelief, praying that it wasn't what he thought it was, making a mental note to ask Sydney about it later.  
  
He gently lifted her out of the car, careful not to cause the injured body any more pain. she weighed almost nothing and this sent Vaughn worrying even more. What had happened to the undefeatable woman, who could kick ass on a second's notice?  
  
After some difficulty getting into his apartment, he finally laid Sydney down on his bed, sighing to himself as he wondered how she had ended up in this state. Just as he broke contact with her body, she let out a piercing 'NO!!!!!' with sudden energy. Vaughn did a double take, and thinking she was awake he rushed over and grabbed her hand; soothing words spilling out of his mouth as Sydney sobbed uncontrollably.  
  
It took a minute before the whimpers subsided and she had resumed her slumber. Vaughn stayed by her side though, for at least another hour - making sure she was warm, comfortable and most importantly - safe.  
  
Reluctantly, he left the room, leaving the door open in case she should wake and need anything. He himself was physically and emotionally exhausted and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep on the couch; thoughts still swimming around in his mind.  
  
___________________________  
  
The next morning, sun rays streamed unwelcomingly into Vaughn's living room, hitting his face, awaking him slowly. He groaned, tossed and turned wondering why he was so uncomfortable. When he came to his senses, he realised where he was, who was in the next room, and silently thanked God that it was Saturday.  
  
He got up in his drowsy state and made himself some coffee. After brushing his teeth, and making himself somewhat more respectable looking, he tiptoed quietly into his bedroom to check up on Sydney.  
  
He was shocked by what he was greeted with. He found Sydney huddled in a dark corner of the room, shivering under a layer of blankets wrapped tightly around her, so that only her face was showing. It was pale, sickly white with the bruises forming around her lips and eyes. She was staring off into space again; her eyes never blinking; her breathing slow. It seemed like she was clinging onto the blanket as if it were her only refuge and shelter.  
  
Vaughn hadn't known how to react. Every part of him wanted to run to her, hold her, protect her - but he knew she needed her space. So he stood there, waiting, longing for a response from her.  
  
Eventually, she lifted up her head and looked directly into his eyes -  
  
'Why?' she asked quietly. After a moment's pause, she continued with more strength and confidence. 'Why me?'  
TBC  
  
A/N: so there you have it! if you think it's bad, tell me. If you have any suggestions or ideas, please tell me. If you think it's good. I'd love it if you'd tell me. : ) 


	4. Longing

Defeated 4  
  
A/N: Hi everyone! thanks to all you fantabulous reviewers! man, you guys make me smile so so so much!!!! and you give me the confidence to continue as well. keep it up! because it makes all the difference! - thesheeplover  
  
***************************** Vaughn hadn't known how to react. Every part of him wanted to run to her, hold her, protect her - but he knew she needed her space. So he stood there, waiting, longing for a response from her.  
  
Eventually, she lifted up her head and looked directly into his eyes -  
  
'Why?' she asked quietly. After a moment's pause, she continued with more strength and confidence. 'Why me?'  
  
******************************  
  
Vaughn had no answer for her, and stood there dumbly as Sydney pleaded with her eyes for an answer. Instead, he walked slowly over to her, sat down and wrapped the blanket around the both of them.  
  
She clung on to his arm and hid behind him. Vaughn could feel her shivering; he could feel her fear. They sat there for a while, each in their own thoughts, simply soaking in the realisation of it all, until Vaughn broke the silence.  
  
'I..', he stammered as he opened his mouth to speak. No words came out - he tried again, 'Syd. we need to talk about this, but only when you're ready and comfortable to do so,' he said firmly, but gently. 'You know that I'll wait as long as it takes and I will listen to every word you say, and try to understand with all my heart.'  
  
Sydney closed her eyes and looked downward, nodding slowly. Vaughn noticed she had stopped shivering.  
  
'How bout we go get something for us to eat. We both haven't eaten for a long time'. And with nothing to say and with nothing else to do, she nodded again and allowed Vaughn to slowly help her up and walk her into the kitchen.  
  
So they sat there, eating their bowls of cereal in silence, when suddenly Sydney calmly announced, 'I need to throw up. Where's the bathroom?' The panic stricken Vaughn immediately guided Sydney to the bathroom where she collapsed in front of the toilet bowl, drops of sweat running down her forehead.  
  
'Go!' She cried unexpectedly, leaning over the toilet as a wave of nausea hit her. Vaughn wasn't going to just leave her in this state, so he stood there - disregarding Sydney's somewhat ridiculous demand.  
  
'Just go!' She yelled, swinging at his legs with her arms. 'I don't want you seeing me like this. It's repulsive! It's my fault that I'm sick, so just leave me alone!'  
  
'Syd, you don't understand do you,' said Vaughn in a patient manner. 'When I said I'd be there, I meant it and whether you like it or not, I'm going to stay and help you get through this!'  
  
'And what if I don't need your help?' She yelled back with all her strength. Her face was twisted with the pain from her injuries, the nausea and the emotional weight of the situation.  
  
'Can you honestly say you don't need me?'. Vaughn looked hurt and distraught. 'Look at me,' he said. When she didn't respond, he shook her shoulders, turning them so that she faced him once more. 'Look at me,' he said again, 'and now tell me you don't need me.'  
  
She said nothing, but turned and sobbed as she threw up again and again. As she gasped for breath in between each wave of nausea, she whispered 'I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry.'  
TBC  
  
A/N: Thank you for reading! yay! you made it this far!!! : ) please review - it keeps me on my toes and brings a mega-watt smile on my face.. thankyou!!!!! 


	5. Turning point

Defeated 5  
  
A/N: Sorry for the delay! You have no idea how busy I am - half-yearly exams are coming up in a few weeks and the teachers are unmerciful. Here's an extra long chapter. Anyway, thank you for all your support! They're the things that keep me going when I feel down - so a mega watt thank you to every single one of you - be sure that I treasure each review.  
  
*********************  
  
'Can you honestly say you don't need me?'. Vaughn looked hurt and distraught. 'Look at me,' he said. When she didn't respond, he shook her shoulders, turning them so that she faced him once more. 'Look at me,' he said again, 'and now tell me you don't need me.'  
  
She said nothing, but turned and sobbed as she threw up again and again. As she gasped for breath in between each wave of nausea, she whispered 'I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry.'  
  
*********************  
  
'Don't be sorry Syd,' he said reassuringly. 'Whatever you feel, please don't be sorry. You know that I'd do anything for you right?'.  
  
Without hesitation, Sydney used what life was left in her to whisper softly, but confidently, 'I know Vaughn. I know.'  
  
Sydney's head fell against Vaughn's chest and her whole body leaned against him. Her hair was strewn across her sweat glistened face, eyes half opened. She was completely energy drained and relied totally on Vaughn.  
  
'Let's get you back to bed so you can rest a bit more', he mumbled into her hair after a while. And with that, he scooped her up and made his way back to the bedroom, realising that she felt even lighter than the day before. She was lifeless, limp, and her body was now only a fragile frame.  
  
Sydney didn't sleep, no matter how much Vaughn begged her. Instead, she chose to sit there, propped up with pillows, staring off into space.  
  
Every so often she would cough, heaving for breath as Vaughn rubbed her back. He always sat there patiently, ready to help on a second's notice - not that Sydney ever accepted it unless it was absolutely necessary.  
  
Whilst Vaughn had so many emotions evident on his face, Sydney's wore no expression - her blank face often frustrating Vaughn. He had no clue as to what she was feeling, thinking and whether or not he was doing and saying the right things.  
  
__________________________  
  
The next few days carried on in a similar fashion. Sydney's emotional state didn't get much better and nor did her appetite.  
  
On Vaughn's part, sleepless nights were often spent worrying over her and he would often find Sydney huddled in a corner, seeking sanctuary from whatever demons she was facing; he would try to feed her - only to have it refused, or thrown back up minutes later.  
  
The times when she was asleep were used to reflect on his thoughts. He had been so worried when she was missing, but he had thought that once she was back, the anxiety would go, the insomnia would disappear, and his life would be back on track.  
  
He shook his head and laughed quietly to himself. How wrong could he have been? Now that Sydney was finally back, he found himself almost incapable of looking after her properly - he felt that he wasn't looking after Sydney properly; not giving her what she needed. But the problem was, he didn't know what she needed.  
  
Neither of the two got any rest though. They were constantly kept awake because of the nightmares Sydney had, whether it was day time or night time.  
  
However, one such nightmare marked the turning point Sydney's recovery. It in the morning of Vaughn's sleepless nights when he was shaken from his thoughts by a blood curdling scream - a scream which shook him to his very bones - a scream he would never forget.  
  
He immediately threw back his covers, and tripping over Donovan, rushed to her side. Sydney was there - her mouth still open from her scream, her eyes now wide open, her back arching upwards as if she was trying to break free from something.  
  
The kind of emotions and thoughts that ran through Vaughn's mind at that time, were indescribably terrifying. The scream had been spine chilling - but the look on Sydney's face seemed to be the very essence of fear; the one thing that was holding Sydney's mind hostage.  
  
Vaughn gently lifted her up so that she was propped up against her pillows. He spent the next few minutes hugging her, whispering soothing words into her ear, comforting her, and eventually Sydney calmed down and relaxed.  
  
She didn't say anything - she didn't even cry - something which surprised and almost relieved Vaughn; she had no energy left to do anything but keep herself conscious.  
  
He spent the night rushing in between the bedroom and his kitchen, fixing ice-packs for the times when she had an impossibly high temperature, changing sheets when Sydney when she had soaked the sheets in her sweat, and making hot cups of water for her to drink for the times when she was buried beneath layers and layers of blankets yet still had chattering teeth.  
  
Vaughn's hard work through the night, however, did not go unrewarded. Sydney eventually fell asleep on her side, facing Vaughn, with both of her hands wrapped securely in his.  
TBC  
  
A/N: please tell me which direction you want this fic to go in - and I'd love to hear what you think! : ) 


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